Sick Cycle Carousel

Decoy In So Many Ways

2009-12-08T17:53:00.003+08:00

For some reason, i wish i'd stayed incompetent at work. Just be the bumbling idiot who does what he's supposed to, nothing more, nothing less. Somehow showing what i can really do isn't working out at all. All the responsibilities, none of the acknowledgement? It's like Tyrion Lannister in A Song of Ice and Fire. He dealt with things justly, saved the city of King's Landing, but no one remembers or even acknowledges his part in things. He's just the grotesque imp that almost got himself killed saving the city he didn't even want to be a part of.

I'm a stopgap person. I plug the holes. I'm the flying unit of the army. The unit that closes the gaps in the ranks whenever the enemy overruns a section. So and so isn't around/available? Kevin will do it. Does anyone really care that i plug the holes? Nope, all that matters is that the end result is achieved. No one cares about the cork that plugs the hole at the bottom of the boat.

(Let's not get lewd about the plugging the holes analogies ok? DO NOT!)

Yes i'm whining, yes i'm complaining... But i'm entitled to rant. At the end of the day, i'll still do what i have to do. Because i like where i work, i love most of the people there, and i enjoy the work. But sometimes it just grates on me that i'm just the hidden shadow silently working my butt off to make sure everything is ok. I'm proud of what i can do, and what i've accomplished. But sometimes, it'll be nice to know that others see that too.

With that said, i end my little tirade.

New t-shirts are on the way! Awesome possum stuff. Now i can survive for a few months without buying clothes. Unless... the... t-shirts........ don't........................... fit...

This week somehow feels like a week where working doesn't fit in anywhere.

"You've never been so used
Since i'm using you, abusing you
My little decoy

Don't look so blue
You should have seen right through
I'm using you
My little decoy"

- Decoy by Paramore

Here Comes The Seasons...

2009-12-07T22:57:00.003+08:00

Shirk, shirk, shirker of work... Bouncing around, hiding, lazing, snoozing, doing anything but work. Unless caught.

Payday cannot come any sooner. I want my damn iPhone. It's calling, beckoning, enticing... Kevin, buy me now and spend much cash and time foraging into my inner secrets and magical moments. Cash in now, and enjoy oodles and oodles of moments poking at a large screen! Such a sucker i am...

Christmas is coming... What rubbish shall i buy for my friends this year? *evil grin*

XY dangling free ZoukOut ticket in front of me. Promises of fun, fun, fun! Free drinks and looking at chicks! Oh joy! What i remember is long queues, sweaty and smelly fat dude gyrating in front of me, and rain... Meh, maybe this time it'll be different... Dare i go prove myself wrong?

Be careful, Taylor Swift might just follow you home!

"Forgive me, believe me, please come back to life. Come back to my life"

- Circle by Flyleaf

Memento Mori

2009-12-06T18:24:00.007+08:00

The months just drift by, and i find myself back here. It's been almost a year...

Life just isn't the same when you have a friggin' Taylor Swift song stuck in your head. Stupid Band Hero...

Flyleaf's new album gives me the good chills. I listen to Lacey sing and i close my eyes and forget everything else exists. And i have a lot i want to forget about.

Ragdolls, ragdolls, played with then tossed aside.

I have no witty anecdotes on my day because for the past two days i've been sitting at home waxing nostalgic on pointless days gone by. I'm such a useless sap. Mayhap the next few days might be of interest. Who knows?

Remember you must die...

"Can i tell you a story, as we dance while the sun starts to bleed"

- Treasure by Flyleaf

Surviving School...

2008-12-16T09:36:00.003+08:00

2 semesters down, and still no failures. Surprise, surprise. Got away with an A- and a C+ this semester. Feels good to be passing everything. Feels better to be finally done with the scary subject known as The English Language: Past, Present and Future 2. I swear that module makes my head ache in so many ways. Kinda lucky that i could get away with a C+ without much studying for the exams.

So onward we go! Coming up next semester: The Art of English: Everyday Creativity, and, The Individual in Society, which i did back in Poly. Yes i'm lazy and i'm just taking modules to get out of school with minimal effort.

And i'm thinking of writing another short story, just because it's been so long since i wrote anything at all, and reading the old ones make me want to write somemore. I realise i have 2-3 unfinished ones just lying around waiting to be finished, or maybe i'll just start a new one. I have a few ideas roosting in my head. But who knows, they might end up half finished like the others and just rotting in a corner.

Oh and for those that don't know, the links at the right under My Works are short stories i have written, not song lyrics. I tend to name them after song titles.

So for now i'll just rot away in the office and try to write. Laters!

Pretending Everything Is Right...

2008-12-11T10:46:00.002+08:00

This drama sat shot gun
My eyes rained like autumn
Only the glove box knows
How the story goes
Now that this bandage is broken and the cuts left in open
I'll tell you just one thing, this wasn't worth the sting

- Make-Up Smeared Eyes by Automatic Loveletter

That song is playing on repeat most of the time now. And i'm in love with that bridge. Coz it's a lesson learned over and over again.

Still Here, Still Alive...

2008-11-19T10:11:00.002+08:00

Meh... Once again i neglect this place. My bad, my bad...

On the work front, i got my grade raised, but there is no increase in my salary. Apparently my current pay still falls within the new grade pay range and so there will be no increase in salary. I do however, get 4 more days of leave. Whoop-dee-doo. It's kinda sad when i've been working for 2 years, and i still haven't broken 2k yet, and my friends are all earning over 2k. Perhaps a bad choice in job, but nothing i can do until i graduate. Then it's probably time to rethink all this.

In my opinion, one of the best duets i've ever heard. So beautiful that i almost teared because of how amazing it is. When i first downloaded the song to listen to it was amazing enough. When i watched the video clip it somehow became more beautiful, more perfect. Can you imagine being there? How overwhelming it must be, standing in a crowd that appreciates them as much as you do, listening to a great band, singing along with Sharon den Adel, whom in my opinion has one of the most beautiful voices i've ever heard. Just once in my life, i'd like to watch them perform live. If i ever get to watch Within Temptation and Evanescence just once in my life, i'd die a happy man the next day. If you have time, watch the 'Ice Queen' video clip, the one from the same concert as the above clip. The whole performance is amazing, and the atmosphere is just of the scale. Beautiful.

Australia Trip In A Nutshell

2008-10-26T18:14:00.002+08:00

Spent 3 days in Australia. 3 days, just to capture 23 seconds worth of footage. I'd like to thank the company for gifting me with a free holiday, coz seriously, i virtually did nothing on this trip.

I got to experience business class, stay in ritzy $500+++ a night hotels, enjoy the lovely weather which i reeeeeaaaaally miss, meet up with a friend, go shopping, see hot girls everywhere, meet the Australian Prime Minister, and all i needed to do, was capture 23 seconds worth of footage. Pretty good deal, if i might say so myself.

And so, here's to more trips like this!

How To Write A Charlie Trout...

2008-10-03T15:07:00.003+08:00

*brushes off the dust and the neglect*

And now i stare at you without an inkling of what i'm going to say. Lemme ponder on.

Ok, so i was watching Gossip Girl yesterday, and there was a couple of scenes of Dan with this old dude and this old dude was criticising Dan's work and offering him advice on how to improve his writing. They were talking about stuff like trying something new and different in order to gain a new perspective to write from, character development and stuff like that. It was kinda interesting in a sense, sorta like "I could learn from this" and all. But it kinda irks me that i'm taking tips on writing from a TV show about rich kids living in New York.

So i'm looking through my Uni course syllabus, and i find not one module on these integral things. I wanna learn about writing stories, creating characters, developing them, structuring the story, coming up with storylines that work, blah blah blah blah. I find it hard to believe that University course on English doesn't have stuff like that. But you might say, "Kevin, you're taking Communications Studies and English. Maybe if you had taken English and English LITERATURE, there would be such a module?"

Well i looked through the Lit course syllabus as well and sad to say, NO SUCH THING! It's all about studying Literature, analysing works of literary art, blah blah blah and all that boring stuff that i didn't like about studying Literature in Secondary School. Yeah, i just liked to read the books, not analyse them and find the bloody underlying meaning, if there were any. Yeah sure you analyse the characters and you find out what makes them tick, but these are stories already written. What I want to know is how the author comes up with characters like these and why.

Kinda disappointed, when i take a Professional English Writing module and realise that it's about writing in Professional lines such as Public Relations, Journalism, letter and memo writing in the office. BORING! I learned all that in Poly and in a more advanced way. I want Writing Fiction or stuff like that. I wanna learn How To Write A Charlie Trout!

Sitting here looking at my course syllabus, i realise i'm not really that into the intricacies of the English Language. Sure, it's interesting to know, but i'm not learning anything on what i find is important to me. But you never know, maybe i'll find something interesting along the way.

Thank You

2008-09-08T23:22:00.002+08:00

Thank you all for the surprise. Thank you all for planning it so "meticulously". Thank you all for being there. Thank you all for everything.

Thank you all, i'm really touched.

Indifference?

2008-09-03T22:18:00.005+08:00

I think i have a knack for appearing indifferent. Even if i really want to do something, i somehow make myself seem like i don't really care. Can't be good for my health or my mental sanity.

It's starting to eat at me really, this lack of decisiveness, lack of confidence, lack of anything really. I just sit and stare and maintain this air of nonchalance, when all i really want is to just do something, say something, anything at all. I'm usually pretty vocal, especially when my emotions get the better of me, but always, always when it comes down to this kinda thing, i just do nothing. It's like i shrivel up into insignificance.

Fear, i presume, is the foremost cause of all this.

On a sidenote, i was watching Friends and this sent me into peals of laughter. I still can't stop laughing when i see it.

FLAMEBOY!!!!

Hectic Week Draws To A Close...

2008-08-30T22:54:00.002+08:00

Days in recap since the last time i posted: Thursday was spent at the Air Force Open House. Over-enthusiastic cameraman running amok while the producer and I spent most of our time chasing him down whilst he went on a spree of 3 tapes. I've never seen anyone use so many tapes to cover a news event. 90 mins of footage which will end up as 2-3 mins of show on our program.

Friday was even worse. Running around in mud trying to catch footage of an Exercise rehearsal. Shoes covered entirely in wet, stinky mud, patches of mud all over my jeans, sweat everywhere, soaking through everything, through my boxers, into my jeans pocket. Even my phone was wet. I would just like to say that the footage isn't usable if the soldiers do their thing and there are construction workers painting the walls right next to them. But i fear i've said too much, and i might be charged if i say even more.

Saturday, Today, One-eyebrow-raised-in-question-day. I enjoy board games as much as the next guy. Having fun with friends is probably the best reason to play board games. Being forced to play with strangers just isn't my thing. Worst of all if you suddenly realise its some sorta social meeting shit. Didn't even have free flow of coke.

Tomorrow? Open House once again. Thursday was a disappointment because what i was looking forward to wasn't there. Maybe tomorrow will be different. I hope it will be different. Reasons still known. I might wanna work on it. My ass is tired from sitting on it for too long.

Of Procrastination and Nutjobs

2008-08-27T21:43:00.003+08:00

And so i managed to finish my first assignment on the day of the deadline itself. I gave myself the entire time i was in the office to finish it and thankfully i managed to. Of course, the day did not go by without distractions. Regular smoking breaks, DOTA games, hot girl sitting in front of the desk i borrowed (the electricity in my office was out because over the weekend there was some flooding on the roof, which was next to my office and the water seeped through into our entire floor wiring. It took them two days to clear out the water after copious amounts of industrial strength vacuuming.), chatting with my colleagues, chatting with people on MSN. Actually it seemed as though i'd rather be doing ANYTHING ELSE but my assignment. But i finished it nonetheless, and close to word limit too. I look forward to my first 'D' of my uni life.

Fat, crazy psycho man spewing hokkien vulgarities while muttering and laughing to himself, dressed in tight, white tee and hot pants. Man with thin, wispy moustache, past-shoulder length hair, dressed in woman's blouse and pants.

Apparently cheap waffles on Tuesday at Gelare, Siglap attracts all kinds of people. Either that or they're offering circus-style entertainment in conjunction with their cheap waffles. I mean what are the odds of seeing two weirdoes at the same place in the same night? Besides a mental hospital.

I should have bought 4D today man.

Work is getting me down, but i'm looking forward to tomorrow's shoot. Reasons known. And it's not because i enjoy 5-hour shoots at the Air Force Open House.

Not Built To Study?

2008-08-22T09:49:00.003+08:00

I can't help but think i'm in over my head with one of my modules for the semester. For the past 2 tutorials, i've been so lost, and i think the lecturer can see the confusion in my eyes. I bet he's thinking what this guy is doing in this class, he doesn't seem to be understanding anything.

The first part of this module seemed difficult at first, but when i sat down to work on the assignments, everything seemed to fall into place quite easily. But now, even after the lecturer has gone over how we should write the essay and what should go into it, i still have no inkling on what is going on. I have a ton of notes but they're not speaking to me. The myriad of concepts, functions and theories are just not sinking in. It's like they're bouncing and vibrating all over the place and refusing to let me grasp them.

I swear this is so taxing and tiring that yesterday, as i walked home from the MRT, i couldn't walk straight. I was THAT tired. I reached home at midnight, showered, pulled out my notes and tried to scribble down as many thoughts as i could while waiting for my hair to dry. I slept at 1am.

And i overslept, couldn't make it in time for this morning's Leopard Tank shoot. Terrible terrible terrible.

I can't help but feel that this is a repeat of my Poly days, where the first semester ran without a hitch, but everything went downhill from the second semester onwards.

And So It Begins... Again

2008-08-21T15:10:00.002+08:00

Yes, this is new. I'm so bored at work that i decided to write again, and in an effort to whittle away more time, start a new blog, and make it look even more plainer than the previous one. The old one is still around, and if anyone's interested can visit trancingwriter.blogspot.com for the lush greenery and my insipid views and thoughts.

Other than that, this new one contains the same stuff and links as the previous one. You can cop a look at my works, which i am eternally proud of. Please feel free to peruse and comment. I shall try to add new stuff when and if possible.

I will try to post more often, seeing as writing as much as possible will be a big help for my scholastic pursuits, no matter what type of writing. I am rather enthused about school, seeing as how i have attained my "true scholastic potential"!!! Or it could be that my first semester was pure luck, and i will be falling flat on my face for the nxt one and a half years. Come to think of it, my first semester of Polytechnic went pretty smoothly, but it all went downhill after that. This might be a case of history repeating itself. We'll just wait and see.

So feel free to drop by if you feel depressed and need to see someone in a worse state than you. My inept-ness/stupidity/good-for-nothingness might make everything seem rosier and brighter. Enjoy!